I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
