Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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