We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
