Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
