Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
