I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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