Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
