Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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