I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
