Cold hands, warm shart.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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