You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
