Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
