I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
