Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
