uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
