so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
