he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
smell my finger.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
