You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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