I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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