So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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