I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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