is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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