I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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