I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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