so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
