Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
