does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
