How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
