Come see our sink grown plant.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
