You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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