I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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