wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
