***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
