Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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