I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
