You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The feeling are messing with the penis
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
