using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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