3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
