And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
