whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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