I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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