Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
