I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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