oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
