your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
