you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
