I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
