Midget sex pt 2 tonight
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
