dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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