cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
