i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
