Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
