no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
