she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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