how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
