ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He felt like a one man threesome
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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