it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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