Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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