wanna go halves on a baby?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Let's paint friendship bongs
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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