so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
